Last week, a friend of mine brought up an excellent point that sums up a lot of why I do what I do. He pointed out that there are only 2 books of the Bible named for women: Ruth and Esther. And there is only one other book where women are equally as present as men: Song of Songs. "So why is it," he asked, "that in these three particular books, God is more absent than anywhere else in Scripture? In Ruth, He is mentioned only in dialogue, never as an active character. In Esther, He is never mentioned at all. And in Song of Songs, well, He's not exactly what we remember from that book..."
My immediate response to my friend was more abrupt than I expected.
"Well, duh." I said, "That makes total sense."
"Why?" he asked. And this is what I told him.
I am 100% convinced that women feel the absence of God more keenly than men. Think about it. When two guys suddenly lose touch and don't talk for weeks, months, even years, for no apparent reason at all and then cross paths (at least in my experience) they immediately pick up where they left off and have almost no resentment about the silence. And when women observe this, it freaks us out. Granted, we have that girlfriend we haven't heard from since that wedding a few months ago and we can call her any time for a laugh, but let's be honest, women need consistent affirmation of relationship. Not necessarily constant, mind you, but at least consistent. And a man's ability to not need that is just plain strange.
Interestingly, it's the exact same situation with our relationships with God. I have known several men who have gone through a 'dry season' only to suddenly find God in an alley somewhere and magically be back where they were as though God never left. And I sit and wonder, how do they do that? For myself and many women I know, when we go through a season of silence or emptiness, the longer we're in it, the harder it is for us to get out. Our despair deepens exponentially the longer it lasts. But when we do make it out, everybody back up because this is huge!! There are tears, there's fireworks, there's laughing, and there's usually lots of hugs. And when we are reunited with our Prince of Peace it sets a fire in our souls.
We see this in Hagar's experience in Genesis. After years of being viewed as nothing more than a slave and a pawn, after decades of serving an old woman who hates her only to be told that she must bear a son to this woman's husband, a son who, according to the law mind you, would not be considered her's, but her mistress's child. After all that, she flees into the desert and there, she meets God. In the midst of her desert, she meets Him. And that experience moves her so deeply that she, a woman and a slave, becomes the only person in history to give a name to the God of the Universe. And that name is El Roi, the God Who Sees Me. And you better believe He does.
God made men and women, both in His image. I know that you know this in your very soul. Eve was the one to whom God gave the need for affirmation of relationship. Eve was the one to whom God entrusted that beautiful piece of Himself. Let me say this very clearly: women were created to especially miss God when He's not around. So, OF COURSE the books of the Bible that focus on women are going to be about...you guessed it...women who have survived that absence. Women who have overcome the desert. Women who have come face to face with their Maker and declared that He is El Roi. Because He knew we would need them to show us how it's done. It is good, indeed it is right that Hagar's should be our response as women, because we embody the very heart of God that demands to be desired. It's very simple really. The pieces of God's character that He gives to each one of us determine how we feel about and respond to what He says.
For some perspective, let's consider what would have happened if instead of Hagar, a man had met God in the desert after a long absence. What would he do? After an incredible encounter with the God of the Universe, what would his response be? Well, the Bible is chalk full of these kinds of stories, so we actually know the answer. Granted, Noah has been surrounded by water, not sand, but after God saves him, Noah builds God an altar and kills a lot of animals on it. When God appears to Abram in Genesis 12, Abram builds an altar. Isaac builds an altar in Genesis 26 and Jacob builds one in Genesis 33. Moses builds an altar in Exodus 17 when the Amalekites are defeated. I could go on for awhile because the judges and kings of Israel were altar-crazy too, but I think you get the picture. When men encounter God and have victory in Him, they like to build things. This helps us understand why Peter wants to build three tabernacles after the Transfiguration.
Now, building monuments is not a bad way of remembering God's glory. I'm a history person, so I can say that. But the absolute worse thing that men in the church can do to women is give the impression that building a tabernacle is a better response than being in intimate relationship with God. Remember earlier when I said that a man's ability to not need consistent affirmation of relationship is strange to us women? I meant it. Because we need it. And needing that does not make us needy. It makes us the caretakers of that special piece of God's heart that demands deep, right relationship.
Ok, let me wrap this up. The worst thing a Christian man can do to a woman is give the impression that he bears God's image more than a woman. By the same token, the worst thing a Christian woman can do to a man is the exact same thing. Personally, as a woman, I don't feel that I have any authority to comment on what part of God causes men to respond and be in relationship with Him the way that they do. But, I do feel that as a woman, I can definitely speak to other women about what pieces of God affect our hearts towards Him, His Word and where He's placed us in His world. This is why I have agreed to join a writing team for another blog called ChristianPig, operated by a good friend of mine named Justin Hartford in Tacoma, Washington. Feel free to check out the website, christianpig.com. I'm very excited about this, but that being said, this is the only time I'm going to mention it on Eat. Pray. Plank. because this is still our space. What I'm writing for ChristianPig will not be all that different from what I write here, but I consider this a special platform where women especially can find grace, truth, and hope for who they are created to be in Christ. I know it has definitely given that hope to me and I pray that you have received a bit of it too.
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