Warning: This post may contain adult content.
This Sunday I visited my hometown church for Mother's Day. I'm not kidding when I say my pastor gave the exact same sermon he gave last year. I remember because I've only been home twice in the last year; last Mother's Day and Christmas. I also remembered because, on a whim, I flipped to the beginning of my prayer journal, trying to remember when I started writing in it. Wouldn't you know, I had started it on Mother's Day of last year...and the opening entry was a tough read.
I had written these words: I am 24 years old, still single, and half way through my Master's program, but I'm struggling to find real purpose. I also wrote that I was starting a new Beth Moore series on Esther and that I hoped to fill my new journal with new life, new growth and some answers to my loneliness, my despair, and my fear of getting lost in the shuffle. My last few sentences read, I know I might not get any fireworks or miracles out of this year, but He has been my God through everything and I know He will not bring about His plan and purpose for my life without me.
That was a year ago. I had no man, no mission, and a deteriorating motivation to find either one. I had listened to my pastor preach about the ideal Christian woman in Proverbs 31 and wept bitterly through most of it, certain I would never and could never be that woman.
That was a year ago. And this Mother's Day, I was amazed at what had come to pass. Let me just forget for a moment that I am engaged to a truly wonderful Christian man. Let me put that aside. In the last year, I have found beautiful Christian women both at school in Waco and at home in Illinois to share my heart with. I have been mentored and loved by so many, finally convinced that I have a shot at Proverbs 31 after all, even if it takes me my whole life (which, personally, I think is exactly how that chapter is supposed to work, but that's another post for another day). I have found a mission, particularly in this blog and in trying to help young women around me. My resolve to continue working towards my book about young women, sex, and the Church has never been stronger. In the last year, I believe I have found my mission and my audience. Finding the perfect man to walk and love me through it is a bonus.
If you look through the pages of my prayer journal, you can see both of these stories play out. You can track how I found this mission and how I managed to find my fiance as well. Both are incredible stories and I cannot wait to move forward, full speed ahead.
At least, I was ready to move forward until this last weekend when I had the biggest reality check about my mission that I have ever experienced. Flipping through the stations during my drive home, I heard a podcast about Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) among young Bohra Muslim women. My hands were shaking as I listened to a young woman about my age share the story of how a woman in her community had cut her when she was only about 12 or 13 years old. She shared how it affected her view of herself and her sex life. More importantly, she shared conversations she had had with her mother and grandmother, who had also been cut as young women and yet still allowed their daughters to be cut. When it was over, I marveled that FGM was still a global issue; I had heard about it once in my General Psychology class in college and assumed it was confined to native tribes in Africa. But this woman was a young professional, a millennial Muslim, who saw other woman silently suffering from the ramifications of being cut every time she stepped into her mosque.
My first reaction was horror, my second was the most extreme humility. My entire ministry, this blog, everything I've dreamed of speaking, writing, and sharing with young women comes from the simple basic truth that young Christian women have questions about sex, their bodies, and their value to the church that are going unanswered. If we are as in love with our Savior as we say we are, we view our bodies through the lens of sanctification. We know that we are truly and wonderfully made. It is our devotion to our God and His desires for our lives that causes us to ask questions about sex and purity. And yet, for this young Bohra woman, it was her family's devotion to Allah that caused them to take away her opportunity to even ask those questions. They had removed that discussion from the table before she even knew her own body. I could feel they had cut something, she said, but I didn't know what. Then they gave me candy and I went home.
You see, I'd been viewing my mission as a vital one to women in the church, and while I still think it is and I still plan to pursue these goals, I have to remember that at the end of the day, all of the Christian women I talk to, by comparison to the women I heard on the podcast, will someday be able to enjoy sex. Many of these women will never have that option because of an irreversible decision her mother made. That should humble each and every one of us who look at purity, virginity, and sexuality as a central, non-negotiable discussion for Christian values and development. There are many who consider virginity and rigid purity a salvation issue, right on par with believing in the Trinity. But believe me, after hearing this podcast, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is not a conversation we should feel obligated to have, it is one we should feel privileged to have.
I'll wrap up this post with my final response to the podcast. One of the women the host interviewed explored the idea that in her particular community, it did not appear that men were the controlling force behind FGM, but rather other women who had been brainwashed to believe that you do what tradition dictates and you do not question it. Women who had been cut as children and then suffered through sex just long enough to have kids went on to cut their own daughters. This blew my mind until I realized that how people of faith address the topic of sex has generational ramifications no matter what religion you are. This woman's sexual experience would only ever be what her mother made it, and in many ways, our daughters' sexual experience, their understanding of who they are and their value as women will also be determined by how, what, and when we teach them about this important gift from our Creator. I think in the next few weeks I will be moving in leaps and bounds with this theme and doing a lot of casual writing. But if nothing else, ladies, hear me when I say that FGM has to stop. Warped ideas about sex and women in the Church have to stop. God can dig us all out of some of the darkest pits and scariest moments, but turning to Him is only going to be possible if we stand up for one another as women.
