Back Before I Said Yes....

I haven't published a post in over a month and there's a very good reason for it. I recently got engaged and started planning my wedding!! The last ten days have been a whirlwind of booking venues and telling the story over and over again for whoever's willing to hear it. Guys, I am SO LOVING THIS!! But I have to tell you, there's a few things that are eating me up inside that I wish I could go back and tell myself just a few days, even moments, before I'd said "Yes."

Don't worry, I still would have said yes. In a heartbeat. I am so happy and so very excited to spend the rest of my life with a man that is so kind, good, compassionate and who loves Jesus. Two years ago, if you had told me that I was going to marry him, I would have been comfortable with the idea, but I would have laughed at the idea of being just this happy. 

But what I want to share now is really important and it has nothing to do with how happy I am. Please do not read this post to say that I am not elated at the idea of getting married. But for the young single women who keep me writing, for the ones I hope to continue reaching, for the ones I pray and weep for, there is something you desperately need to know. I have spent the last 12 years longing for a relationship, for someone to marry, for a prince to sweep me off my feet and now that I have one, I am already seeing drastic changes that I wish I could have seen coming. 

When they say singleness is a gift, they mean it. I have been engaged for ten days and I can already feel the strain. I already miss how easy it was to focus on nothing but Jesus when I was single. I love talking to my fiance, but making time for Jesus is harder than it's ever been. If you are a single student, you may feel like work and class are crushing you right now, but you will never have so much time for prayer, worship and reading His Word than you do right now. And if you don't make time for it now, you certainly will not make time for it once you are planning a wedding. So make quiet time with Him a priority now. 

Unfortunately, just as making time for your Savior gets harder, so does temptation. I have been struggling with sexual temptation for years. It has poisoned my relationships, the most important one being me and God's. There has been a light at the end of the tunnel for awhile now; I have drawn so much hope and joy from my Father's faithfulness, His goodness, and His promises. But I still believed that once I was in a relationship or once I was married, these temptations would evaporate because I would have someone who would fulfill that need. My dear friends, that is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Sexual temptation does not cease just because you have a ring on your finger. No, no, no, no. It gets worse. Because in my mind, I can begin to make excuses. In many ways, that ring becomes a Get Out of Jail Free card. I'm going to marry him, I tell myself, so that makes it okay. But it's not. And instead of tearing down walls between me and my fiance, my temptation and complacency towards it are only building them up.

In the same way that how much free time you have does not determine how much time you will dedicated to reading your Bible, whether you are single, dating, engaged or married will not magically eliminate whatever temptation or baggage you're carrying. The only difference is whether or not you are willing to let someone else help you carry it. The first person you can give it to is Jesus, because He hung on a cross for the right to carry it for you. But the second person you need to be willing to share it with is your partner.

I'm not sure which is harder. Admitting that this struggle is still such a weight OR asking my fiance to help me deal with it. But that's what marriage is: being willing to share the baggage we cling to even though it's killing us and gently doing the same for our partner.

I'll be the first to admit, I have no idea what this looks like logistically, but thank the Lord I have the rest of my life to find out. Part of me wants to run and hide, part of me can't wait. But one thing is definitely for sure. God is faithful, He is good, and He keeps His promises. I cannot wait to see where the next few months take me and this blog. I'm as excited as ever to explore how God uses and speaks to women in every stage of life. Even though our situations change, His desire for us will never, ever waver.

Take A Look...

If I have not already recommended this book, I'm doing it now!!

Lost Women of the Bible is a fantastic read and it changed my life.

Carolyn James speaks my language!! Basically, everything that I have ever had in mind for this blog is in this book. I have long searched for someone or something to put into words my passion to understand and share the place, role and experience of women in God's Grand Narrative. Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. I have one of my mentors, Carol Acree Cavalier, to thank for sharing this book with me. When I told her I was starting this blog, she promptly handed me this book and I have to admit, I nearly closed down the blog and just sent everyone I knew a copy.

No matter who you are, how old you are, or what you do for a living, if you have any interest in how God has worked and continues to work in the lives of His creation, please take a look at this book! You will not regret a moment of it! And on the slim, off-chance that you do, let me know and we can talk about it over coffee. I'd LOVE that!!